Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	The Beatles - Hard Days Night

calm like a bomb
wow. hiroshima like a bitch. just got off the phone with the ex (wife, not lauryn). nice, casual talk about the kids at first...talked about bekah re-piercing her ears...talked about me and lauryn breaking up. nice chat. she was very supportive and the call was pleasant. then all of the sudden - BOOM!

she told me that she and the boyfriend are expecting! wow. didn't see that one coming. she said she's about 2 and a half months along and had their 1st sonogram last week. they told the kids last wednesday and showed them the sonogram shots. tres kept asking all weekend if he could call me and tell me the big news. the ex told him that she should tell me herself. well, i was planning on eating lunch with the kids tomorrow and the ex KNEW that tres would slip (the boy has such a big mouth)!

so...i'm sure you're eagerly awaiting my reaction. wow. the crazy thing is... i'm happy for them. i'll admit it was a bit of a shock. but she seemed very happy and i enjoyed hearing her talk about it. the kids are excited and that's so cool for them. i am really excited about tres having the opportunity to be a big brother to someone! hmmm... i guess i kind of hope they have a girl. bekah would love that and tres could benefit from it a lot. either way i'm sure it's gonna be exciting for them. as for me... i've often wondered what THIS DAY would feel like. another milestone. like the 1st time i saw her with "him". like the day the divorce was official. i remember when we split up years ago - sitting alone in a 3-bedroom house with nothing in it. wondering who she's with and why it wasn't me. thinking about her being intimate with another was hard way back then. then it was easier... then it was easy... then it wasn't even a thought. but the thought of her having another man's child has crossed my mind more than a few times. the thought of my kids having a "half-brother or sister" was an awkward one. the possibility of looking at another little face that's made up half the blood and genes that my kids are built with and another set of chromosomes that aren't mine. what will he/she look like? what will the kids feel when they see it for the 1st time? what will the ex feel? hell, this is certainly a strange turn of events.

after every milestone a whole new set of questions and possibilities opens.

fact is i'm truly happy for them. almost jealous of them to be quite honest. funny thing is that about a week ago lauryn and i were joking with the kids about this kind of stuff and kind of setting them up for the inevitable future. who knew the future was now? at any rate i think we're all ready. all of us. the ex. the new guy. the kids. and the ex-husband (that's me)!

wow. my entire world has changed in the last 7 days. and it feels pretty good. and i usually fear change. :)